Tag Archives: Conor Grant

Can’t see the wood for the trees

As Rovers stare into the abyss, League Two gazes also in to Rovers. And with this realisation comes the usual frenzied clamour from the belligerent masses for “misters”, “mesters”, “pros” and “men” to don their battle gear and fight to the bitter end, or May, in a valiant attempt to guide the club to the promised land of third tier lower mid table. But for me I think we’ve already found our leader, the Scouse Boy King.

As I witnessed Conor Grant hurriedly remove himself from the path of a dangerously inswinging Shrewsbury set-piece last week, I cast my mind instantly to the demise of Finland’s telecommunication and forestry sectors and how very profound this latest turn of events was.

The evasive actions of the little wizard from Fazakerley led to the only goal of an otherwise forgettable game and plunged Rovers deeper into the relegation mire. To the casual observer this seemed like a rather dire state of affairs, however to me, the thinking man’s thinker, it seemed like the dawn of a brave and bold new world.

Steve Jobs is dead. Despite the attempts of Ashton Kutcher (2013) and Michael Fassbender (2015) to breathe new life into the former Apple kingpin, there is to be no return. But in 2011, whilst most of the world mourned his passing, the people of Helsinki rejoiced. Steve Jobs had brought nothing but pain to the citizens of the Land of a Thousand Lakes. His insistence on doing away with paper had rendered the vast pine plantations of the Nordic nation obsolete, whilst his fondness for making popular phones proved too much for Nokia to bear.

For the people of Finland this is the tech guru’s destructive legacy. An economic bastard laying waste to all they’d worked hard for. But really they have only themselves to blame. Steve left many things behind, including a company worth more than Switzerland and a $200 billion cash reserve, but he also left behind his cache of wise words. If the good people of the western vodka belt had only mined this rich seam of philosophical gems then they too could have been laughing all the way to the European Central Bank.

As it was, they chose instead to stick resolutely to the teachings of Elton John’s favourite man manager, Graham Taylor. “More and more in modern day football I see no defender on the post. Now I can understand why people do that, but I don’t agree with it”. Trapped in a cycle of tradition and heritage, aching back to the good old days, Finland resolutely kept their man on the post. Twas ever thus and ever thus shall be. And what did they get for it? Well and truly fucked.

And as Conor Grant stood in front of the South Stand in the 62nd minute, clutching the near post and eyeing up Shaun Whalley’s right peg, he knew this all too well. But Conor Grant had three advantages over Finland. He’d seen Steve Jobs (2015), he’d seen Jobs (2013) and he’d seen Steve Jobs: One Last Thing (2011). And Conor Grant knew that for years people had stood at the near post and headed the ball clear and what did they have to show for it? A stockpile of useless timber and a multinational corporation on the verge of bankruptcy.

And so, as the ball careered towards his head Conor turned to Steve Jobs for advice. “Conor”, Steve Jobs whispered to him, “innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower”. So Conor ducked. Because Conor is a leader. And that’s exactly what we need.


By The LJ Monk